Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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