So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I have peed in a lot of sinks
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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