Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
