he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
