No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
