I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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