Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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