He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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