it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You're like the curious george of whores
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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