update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
