I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
it's great music for shaving your balls
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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