i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
babies were throwing up all over the place
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
