I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
