I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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