Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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