the new term for farting is butt boxing.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
