His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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