Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
