is your mom at the bar?
I got chris browned last night
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
