I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
