I smell stomach acid.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
