Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just gift wrapped bread.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I wear drunk well.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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