Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
