We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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