My brain says no but my pants say off.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
