I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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