So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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