This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
