I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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