I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
