She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
