Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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