i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
