At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
