I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
