two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
