Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
