can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
