He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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