if only i could text you this smell
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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