No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
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