My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
