Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
foreskin is a definite game changer
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
