Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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