is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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