i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
