guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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