How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
