haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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