I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
