We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
