$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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