1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
