im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
