I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
