yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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