Three words: puerto rican gang bang
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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