I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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