u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Farmville is her only friend.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
