she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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