And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i was born a porn star she said
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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