There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
